Love

The Lily and the Apple Tree

~ ForCommonGround ~ Leave a comment

fireheartA lot people avoid the Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon, depending on your translation). It makes people blush, and rightfully so. I haven’t seen any bible study small groups quick to make this their selection. But, if it’s in the bible, it must have something very valuable to teach us right? I personally enjoy the book because of its raw, unapologetic description of love. It’s a beautiful dialogue that expresses the heart in a unique way. Just check out this small section:

Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
    rivers cannot sweep it away.

Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NIV) [my emphasis]

That’s intense right? Death is not something any of us can overpower. We can’t step out of the grave on our own power. And if you’ve ever seen a large powerful fire you’d know it’s unstoppable. It consumes everything in it’s path. To describe love that way is incredibly moving, especially in the context of a marriage.

My wife and I chose these verses for our wedding invitations over 7 years ago. I’d like to say that the past seven plus years have been fueled by a love like this but that wouldn’t be true. Many moments definitely have. But that’s not the case for every one of the nearly 3000 days that we’ve been together. So while passages like this are very moving, they’re also very convicting.

Don’t you think God meant for our love for our spouse to look this way? To be unstoppable, unquenchable, fierce, and powerful? Our love can actually be strong enough that no speeds bumps of life could ever dowse the flames. This is a passionate love that I think every marriage needs, and every spouse deserves. It’s a love that we have to fight for and make every conscious effort to maintain. It’s love that fully adores our spouse no matter how they are acting or if its a good day or not. It’s love that sets our spouse as a priority. It’s a love that serves as often as possible. It’s love that puts the needs of the relationship above either individuals personal needs. It’s a love that withstands any temptation. It’s a love that refuses to dull into oblivion.

Here, check out another one:

Like a lily among thorns
    is my darling among the young women.

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest

    is my beloved among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade,
    and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
Let him lead me to the banquet hall,
    and let his banner over me be love.

Song of Songs 2:2-4 (NIV)

This is passion. These are two people who adore one another. Our marriage should be a love poem that would read like this. Our spouse should know that we are head over heals for them. The butterflies never have to stop fluttering in your stomach when you’re out on a date with your significant other. You never have to stop being captivated by the one you chose to spend your life with.

When’s the last time you felt a deep passionate desire for your spouse? Anyone struggling to answer that question should also know that it’s not too late. That fire can be rekindled. With God, all things are possible. But we have to want it.

In a way, to lose our passion for our spouse is equal to devaluing them. If you know the story of Solomon, you know that he eventually went astray. He had to devalue his bride to go after other things and other women. All marriages are susceptible to this. We start to lose that passion when we allow jobs, ministry, other relationships, money, goals, hobbies, and even kids to get in the way.

I think Solomon’s sad story pushes some away from reading his love poem. I hope for you, that’s not the case. We’re told that all scripture is profitable and inspired by God. Which means, He wants us to know the words of the Song of Songs. Because that passionate love that we’re meant to have with our spouse reflects His heart for us. There is no power in existence that can stop our God’s love for us. And that is an encouraging thought.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Be encouraged

Be loved

Love passionately

 

The Imitation Golden Rule

~ ForCommonGround ~ Leave a comment

_imgWhen I was a kid, I used to collect rocks. I absolutely loved them! It’s amazing that I never became a geologist. Now I’m passing that love on to my children. In all of my rock collecting as a child, I accumulated quite the assortment. Of all of the rocks I sorted through, only one disappointed me. I can remember distinctly as a child combing through a quarry and finding a sparkling golden nugget. I ran up to my parents thinking that I had struck it big. Come to find out, it was a little something called ‘fools gold’. I didn’t get it. Fools gold? I felt kind of dumb and let down all at the same time. When it comes to the so called ‘golden rule’, many people kind of treat it the same way. Jesus provided the real deal, but so many of us are wheeling and dealing the imitation goods and are so surprised when it doesn’t get the same return.

So in everything,do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Matthew 7:12 (NIV) [my emphasis]

It’s interesting that so many people, Christian and non-Christian alike, know this phrase as the golden rule. But I’m not so convinced that all of them know the meaning of it. A few years back, one of my students quoted it in class. I asked him if he could tell me who said that. His response was typical. He said, “I thought it was just a principle we are taught as kids.” I gently informed him that these were words spoken by Jesus Christ. Since it was a public classroom, mentioning His name changed the entire atmosphere.

Ironically, when the boy used the phrase, it was in a sarcastic and hurtful tone towards another. So I asked him if he enjoys being talked to like he had just spoken to his classmate. Of course he rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, “well, all people talk like that.” My teacher ears kicked in and I called him out on it. I said, “first of all, not all people talk like that. Second, just because we know a lot of people who are rude, doesn’t mean we want to be treated that way. Third, if we don’t want to be treated that way, then we shouldn’t treat others that way.” He then slumped into a reflective state and class continued on. He wasn’t mean to another student the rest of the semester. He was actually one of the kindest among his classmates.

This was a classic example of how people misuse this verse. They use it when it’s convenient to prove a point, but not when it forces them to change their ways. Here are what I believe are the two most common misinterpretations of the verse:

1-“…in everything, treat others how you’ve been treated.”

I think this IS society’s golden rule. At least this is how I’ve seen it play out most of my life. It’s also how I’ve been guilty of not applying it like Jesus intended. People with this mindset may start off with good intentions, but if wronged, it will cause a hardness in their heart that callouses over and determines how they relate with others. If loved, they love. If served, they serve.

2-“…in everything, demand that others treat you how you want to be treated.”

Self entitlement is extremely common. People are out to ‘get theirs’ in life. They apply that to relationships, careers, and the like. If others treat them well, it may or may not have any bearing on how they choose to treat others. It’s a ‘me-centered’ universe and their end game is to be treated how they think they deserve and they’ll treat others according to their convenience and mood.

When I read Matthew seven not long ago, it was like a dagger to the heart. I had this image in my mind like I was watching myself interact with others; like it was a movie. You see, it’s a lot easier to critique the actions and words you see and hear from others. But for some reason, the same standards don’t always get applied inwardly. I had a highlight (or low-light) reel run through my mind of several instances of how I mistreated others. They were subtle, but they made me feel ashamed. They made me feel like a hypocrite.

Then I feel like the Lord persuaded me to view situations differently. A thought came to mind. What if I entered every conversation, and took every action, from the perspective of ‘what if this was said or done to me’? That can be the filter but it doesn’t stop there. I believe the words of Jesus are proactive. What I mean is, we should go out of our way to try and change the culture of speech and action. We should enter every conversation with the aim of speaking life, encouragement, truth, gentleness, and hope. That’s what we all want to hear right? We should also try to serve and love all because we all want that from others. So I leave you with the two questions that I’ve been wrestling with ever since my last encounter with Matthew seven.

1-Are you saying the things you want to hear?

2-Are you doing the things you’d like to be done to you?

Imagine how the world around us would change if we did our part to live out the ‘golden rule’.

Peace in Christ my brothers and sisters!

My God, my Children, and Me

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father-child-hand2I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting and how God looks at me as His child compared to how I see my own children. I had a friend of mine named Connor tell me, before my first daughter was born, that God was going to show me a lot about His feelings towards me through my experience in fatherhood. He was so right!  I’ve learned so much about grace, love, and sacrifice that I never really knew before. And since my second daughter has been born, it has only heightened my experience.

God has so many beautiful characteristics that I’ve been learning more about. And one of my favorites qualities has to be His patience. Lord knows I give Him opportunities every day to be patient with me. We all do right? We either wouldn’t be here, or our life would look very different, if He wasn’t a patient God. But have you ever wondered why? Why is God so patient with us? Why is He so patient with all the ‘bad’ people in the world? I Know I wouldn’t be nearly as patient with me as He is. And we certainly aren’t as patient with others as He is. Yet another reason why we would all make lousy gods.

I feel like being a parent has given me a unique insight into the realm of patience. (And all the parents in the world said, “Amen.”) Let’s face it, kids provide a lot off opportunities for us to grow in patience. Dinner time, nap time, clean up time, play time, road trips, and on and on. Our patience is tried. But this in not a wrap on children. This is more a comparison between us (as grown ups) and our children.

Have you ever watched your children from a place where they were completely unaware of your presence, just to see what they were going to do? There’s a situation, and your children are presented with a choice to do what was right or what was wrong. So you watch, hoping that they make the right choice. As a parent, there is an urge to intervene, always. The natural desire to steer our children in the right direction has been written on our hearts. But there are times when intervention is not the right course of action. There are times when a parent needs to observe, to hope, and to pray. Because our children need to learn to fly and apply the lessons they’ve been taught. Besides, obedience untested, is no obedience at all.

I would love to say that my kiddos pass the obedience test with flying colors, every time. But they’re human, just like us. I’d like to say I pass the test every time. But I don’t. And I imagine God, being our Father, observes us day in and day out. Sometimes He intervenes, and sometimes He doesn’t. But every time, He is watching, and hoping that we make the right choices.  This illustration has limits though; I get that. Since God knows everything that will ever happen, He already knows every choice we will ever make in life. (That’s both scary and extremely comforting!) Nothing we do is a surprise to Him. Unlike with human parents, hoping their children make the right choices, God already knows before the choice is even presented. Granted, there are times that parental intuition kicks in and you know what your kids are going to do or say before it happens. But that’s rare in comparison to an omniscient God.

I think God’s all-knowing nature makes His patience even greater. Think about it. If you knew all the mistakes your children were going to make, how much patience would it require for you to allow them to mess up and then to find their way back, guiding with care and love, just as our God does? You’d probably be like me; ready to jump in so that our children would have a mistake free life. You’d want to make the path to the good life obvious. You’d give them an instructions on how to live, how to relate to others, how to view themselves, and continually remind them of your love for them so they never forgot. You’d try to introduce them to people who’d be a good influence in their life. You’d give them all of their needs plus so much more. Sound familiar? This is exactly how God has reached down to humanity since the dawn of our existence.

As parents, these are the things we try to do. Only we operate with limited knowledge, limited experience, and not to mention, we’re all flawed. And even the best parents cannot lead their children into a fault free life. Why? Because even the best parents have faults. Parenting is trial and error. Parenting is like nothing else in the world. It’s so hard, and yet, it is so fun! I have two little girls, and they are amazing. They make me laugh. They make me want to cry. The can turn the hardest days around with a simple “I love you daddy.” They can frustrate me, but they also fill my heart with so much joy.

I think we have the same effect on our Heavenly Father. Don’t you think He longs to hear His children say. “I love you daddy”? There’s no doubt we frustrate Him, even though He’s already seen the road map of our lives. But His children are His treasure. You bring Him so much joy. He knows your screw ups. He knows your faults. Yet He died for you anyways. There is no length too far that God has not already gone for you and me. There is no list of bad choices that will make God lose his patience with you. His heart is for you. It always has been.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness.

Psalm 103:8 (NASB)

 

Selective Love

~ ForCommonGround ~ Leave a comment

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“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.  And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Luke 6:27-36 (ESV)

For nearly a two year period, my wife and I had the tremendous honor to be welcomed into a small sphere of the local homeless population where we live. We were not homeless ourselves which made this experience even more meaningful. For the first five or six months it wasn’t an easy undertaking but it was incredible. We met so many new people and heard exciting and heart breaking stories. But we noticed that many of the church fold coming down to help were not responding in the same way. In fact, some of the comments we heard from the Christian servants there were so sad. The three that stood out the most were:

“This just isn’t my thing.”

“I don’t feel called to this.”

“I can’t serve people who aren’t grateful for it.”

The people who made comments like these came and went. For some of them I’m sure they came in the first place to quill some guilt in their hearts or check off another ‘to-do’ item on their Christian servant list. If these weren’t bad enough, we even received warnings from people who told us to think twice about helping the homeless because they could have a bad influence on us.

Over the next several months we went to their camp where we’d eat food, talk about Jesus, and have conversation. I would like to tell you that they all dedicated their lives to Christ and turned their lives around, but that isn’t how it played out. There were many tears shed and there was repentance and lots of prayer, but all but two of those men and women remained on the streets. So the question becomes, is it worth it? Was it a waste of time?

I believe most people would look at that and say that those of us who served threw away those two years. And that is the attitude that I think Jesus is addressing in our focus passage for chapter five. There is something in the fallen human condition that functions on the principle if reciprocity.

Reciprocity is defined as, “the quality or state of being reciprocal:  mutual dependence, action, or influence: a mutual exchange of privileges.”

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Reciprocity is the enemy of true love. Many relationships die out of self-pity due to one party believing they’re giving more than the other and not receiving back what they think is owed to them. For our service and love to be sincere, we must eradicate any presence of self-entitlement. No relationship can flourish with a ‘what can I get out of this’ mentality. For us to serve and love how Christ called us to means we have to first break the cycle of reciprocity in our lives.

In Luke chapter 6, Jesus is basically saying that if your love is based on return than you’re no different from anyone else. You don’t have to be a believer in Jesus to love but the kind of love that He calls us to is way beyond how worldly love operates. Christians and non-Christians alike, love those whom they receive love from, but Jesus says there’s more…a whole lot more…to love than that. Jesus actually says our love isn’t genuine until we can love the following:

  1. Our Enemies (verse 27)
  2. Those who hate us (verse 27)
  3. Those who curse us (verse 28)
  4. Those who abuse us (verse 28)
  5. Those who strike us (verse 29)
  6. Those who exploit and steal from us (verses 29 and 30)
  7. Those in need who can’t repay (verse 30)

Love is the key marker for how Christ’s followers stand out from the crowds. For our love to stand out it must be as obvious a contrast as light is from darkness. God’s grace would not be exceptional if it was only for those who were great and lovable. God’s grace becomes amazing when we realize He loves us even though the best of us are wretched sinners. If we are going to stand out and bring glory to God’s name by how we live, we cannot be selective in who we love.

For  more, come check out the book!

Peace and Blessings in Christ!

Don’t be Selfish with Grace

~ ForCommonGround ~ 2 Comments

grace

If someone in your life did something wrong, would you be a person they’d want to come to? What if they had done something to you personally? Grace is not ours to withhold. Doing so communicates a message about Jesus that He is enough to forgive my sin but not enough for me to forgive yours.  The power to forgive, found in Christ, can be applied to all situations. To argue the contrary is to say that our hurt is worth more than the souls of humanity. Christ died for our souls in the face of our hate and rebellion and sin. What do we have to do in order to forgive someone of their debt? We certainly don’t have to be beaten, have nails driven through our wrists and feet, or hang to death on a cross. Jesus endured all that so that those who choose Him can have every wrong erased permanently. I’m not saying that grace is always easy, but it is necessary. No one could ever wrong us more than we’ve wronged God. To show grace is to show others a glimpse of God. To show grace is tell others that Jesus’ sacrifice is real and powerful and life-changing.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Colossians 3:12-14 (The Message)

 

No Shocker Here!

~ ForCommonGround ~ 3 Comments

cultureshock

I’m going to take a break from my usual posts and address…you guessed it…the elections. Before you click off this post (because you are so sick of election stuff) just know that I am not pushing a party agenda or talking trash in any way. This is meant to calm the common rhetoric we’ve seen since Tuesday. I say it’s common because there are always protests following elections and in some cases, states try to leave the union (like Texas four years ago). So as an American Government teacher, I wanted to provide some information that may just calm some people down.

I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong about my predictions for election night, but I was not surprised. I’ve been telling my students for nearly two years that the national political trend predicts a Republican candidate as President. A look back through election results dating back to 1968 shows that the results from 2016 are right on schedule. No political party has dominated our government for an extended amount of time since 1968. When a party controls either branch of government for a long amount of time, that is known as a party era. One has not existed since the Democratic Era between 1932 and 1968 where Eisenhower was the only deviant from the party. Prior to that era, the Republicans controlled the Executive from 1860-1932 with only a few Democratic presidents in between.

While there have been 6 Republican presidents compared to 3 Democrats since 1968, the time difference is not so big. Republican presidents have controlled the white house for 28 years and Democrats for 20. More importantly to note, most of the time Congress, as a whole or at least one chamber,  is controlled by the opposing party so those presidents are at a political stand still for a portion of their term(s).

-1968-1976 Nixon (R) and Ford (R)

-1976-1980 Carter (D)

-1980-1992 Reagan (R) and Bush Sr. (R)

-1992-2000 Clinton (D)

-2000-2008 Bush Jr. (R)

-2008-2016 Obama (D)

-2016-? Trump (R)

A lot of factors play in to this phenomenon: One, overall our nation is fickle in their political support. Popular and political culture changes with the seasons. Two, party loyalty is stronger than ever. Those who regard themselves as Republican or Democrat truly bleed red or blue and are becoming even more polarized. Three, there is an ever growing number of independent voters whose votes are up for grabs each election. Four, there are more swing states (ones who could vote either party) since 1968 than in prior decades.

While the election results may be a surprise to some, the current power switch is nothing new. More than likely the trends will continue and no single party will run our nation for a long amount of time. Most importantly, its all over and we can move on past the bickering and mud-slinging towards unity. Love him or hate him, Trump is our president and he is probably the least partisan one this nation has ever had. Only time will tell if that is good for us or not.

I call on my Christian brothers and sisters to continue in spreading love and encouragement. No matter our leader, our mission has not changed. We are, and always will be, about our Father’s business. Let’s help to bind wounds and stand for truth. The sun will continue to rise and the seasons will come and go as they always have until that glorious day that our Savior calls us home. No matter what color people think they bleed, Jesus Christ bled and died for us and that is what matters most. We need to speak life and hope and break down political, race, and gender lines that only serve to hinder and divide us.

Pray hard and love much!

Made and Chosen

~ ForCommonGround ~ 2 Comments


For many months now I have gone back and forth about writing a post on the issue of gender. Since the Supreme Court ruling on same sex marriage, legalizing it nation wide, the issue of transgendered rights has taken center stage. For anyone who has read my posts or know anything about me, probably already knows my thoughts on the matter. I also don’t want to join the rants about it that are coming from both sides of the issue. 

Since I am a school teacher, President Obama’s recent directive given to public schools to allow all transgendered students to use whatever bathroom of their choice, did entice me to want to shout to the world in opposition. But I will refrain. I don’t know as though this argument can be won by either side because both sides are using the same topic…people’s rights. The problem is when rights conflict, who’s rights are more important? 

While I pray dearly that this battle for ‘open choice’ restrooms will come quickly to an end with no matter of success, I would like to speak directly to my brothers and sisters engaged in this fight. So this is my letter in hopes that it will somehow reach those for whom and is meant:

You were all beautifully and wonderfully made. Not at birth, not even at conception. Jeremiah chapter one tells us that before we were in our mother’s womb, God knew us and loved us. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God’s workmanship. Every child, no matter how they appear in the world’s eyes, is a masterpiece of God. God made each of us with care and with purpose. He designed us out of love to be the people who would love and serve Him and others with our whole hearts. Somewhere along the way, some in societies across the world, and spanning many centuries (this is by no means a new topic) have lost sight of this. Some, from even a young age have felt this emptiness deep down and a lack of love for how they were born. My heartfelt message to you, my dear brother or sister, would be that you were fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of almighty God. He loves the way you were born because He made you so. The word for workmanship is that of a beautifully written poem. You are God’s poem, which He wrote word by word, singing over you with great joy and affection. I am not saying to you to stop fighting for your rights, but to come home. Come to a place where you are accepted and loved for that which you were made and don’t long to be something other than how your loving Father in heaven made you.

To me, this is not an issue of rights, this is an issue of identity, and there is no greater authority on someone’s identity than the one who made us all. Be encouraged brothers and sisters and remember to reach for love and grace and to point others to the greatest source of them both…Jesus Christ.